i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
