..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
