things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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