My friends, they love my intelligence
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't think brook has ever known best
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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