if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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