those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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