On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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