"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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