So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
