the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
