Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
