I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
