he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
