Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
