there's paper in my vomit.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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