Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
