Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
