Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
