it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
