Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
