There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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