Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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