My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
