Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
