Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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