Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
