Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize