All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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