I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
