she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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