Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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