Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
