is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize