My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
