Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
