Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize