the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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