have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
