He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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