think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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