i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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