well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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