I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
