I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
