So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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