I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize