i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
