I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Terrible idea I love it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
