i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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