I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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