Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
