You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize