I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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