Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
