Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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