Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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