Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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