she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
