I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
