I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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