I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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