Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
