We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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