My cat gives me a boner
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
