why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
