i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
