my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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