in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
