Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize