It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
