there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
