I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
