You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
