nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
