no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize