you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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