Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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