Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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