He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
