Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
