I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
MIDGETS
????
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize