i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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