I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
