I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize