this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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