If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Randomize
