turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
