We won't sleep together?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't tell me you're on acid again
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
