Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
