He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
