take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
