y did u give ur computer a hand job?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
