I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize