Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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