so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do herpes really smell.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
