he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
