Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This baby is an asshole
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
