the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So squirting runs in the family.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize