I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
