So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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