wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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