This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
