peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize