we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
