we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
