i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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