It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
