I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
