tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
