Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
