Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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