Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
